Just Believe

I write this at midnight on the anniversary of me and my girlfriend Amber's first year of dating. In this year of being together, I have learned many things. I have learned I am an attention seeker. I have learned that true love casts out all fear. I learned that life will move on. I learned that making up is the most important thing a person can do. I learned that forgiveness is not a only a decision, it's a lifestyle choice.


I write this with deep remorse. I write this to remind myself that life will move on. I hurt her tonight. I caused pain. On the night where memories should have been made, I stabbed her in the heart like the selfish son-of-a-bitch I am.


One day, I will qustion the God that supposedly created me. I will ask him one simple question: "Why?"


Why did you make me so angry?

Why did you make me evil on the inside?

Why do I cause pain to those I love the most?


He will look at me and say this:

"I never 'made' you angry, my son. You chose to release those feelings."

"I do not make anything evil. Your actions may have been evil, but you, my son, are not."

"You cause pain because, like most other humans, you are afraid of losing those you love. In this fear, you lash out hoping to hurt before you are hurt."


I will look God in the eye and fall to pieces after learning that He was not the Creator of my iniquity, but I was.


Cest la vie.


I love you more than life. Please don't forget that.